Because of The Husband's work, we've moved around a lot in our marriage. Like a lot a lot. And I cannot explain the ecstasy I feel when I find we are moving to a place with a Sam's Club or Costco or BJ's. With this last and final move (seriously, I'm never ever moving again until I'm dead and buried), we now live 9.39 miles from the nearest Costco. Or 16.67 miles if I'm on the other side of the closest "big" town. Or 18.91 miles if I want to go over into the next state to avoid the sales tax.
Here's a bit of background on my most recent experience......
Chuckles is entering his junior year of college and is FINALLY able to escape the mandatory dorm lifestyle and the even worse mandatory meal plan. So before he drove himself back to school, I took him to Costco to load up on nonperishables, toiletries, and post-it notes.
And here's my story:
Scene: Costco (the one 9.39 miles away from The Homestead)
Players: Chuckles, Yogurt Sample Chick, and Yours Truly
Me: I'm so hungry I could eat my own arm. Oooh! Samples!!
Chuckles: (He doesn't say a whole bunch in this narrative. He mostly rolls his eyes and then, towards the end, laughs so hard he hyperventilates....this inappropriate public guffawing is actually not how he got his nickname.)
Me: Yogurt. Meh. Oooh! Almond chocolate yogurt!
(Sidebar: At this "sample station" there are three flavors of yogurt available: peach, berry, and almond chocolate. The Yogurt Sample Chick has a beautifully organized tray containing all three samples in front of her. In front of that tray, is another tray with one sad little berry sample sitting there all by itself. I don't want the berry, I want one of those tasty almond chocolate ones. So I ask.....)
Me: Hello! May I please try the almond chocolate?
YSC (Yogurt Sample Chick): No.
Me: I'm sorry...did you say, "No"?
YSC: No. It's not ready yet.
Me: So I can't try the almond one?
Me: Because it's not ready?
YSC: It's not ready yet.
Me: Can I have any sample? Or is it just the almond one I can't have?
YSC: You can have this one. (points to last berry sample on tray)
Me: Okay. Here's the thing....I'm not crazy about berry-flavored food so can I please just try the almond chocolate one?
(Another Sidebar: this aversion to berry-flavors is mostly a taste thing, but it has gone into hyperdrive ever since I read an article that claimed most berry-flavored food items are infused with something called "castoreum" which is basically a mixture North American Beavers make with a secretion from their castor sacs and their urine. So...yeah...pretty gross)
YSC: No. It's not ready yet.
Me: I don't understand. Do you need to cook it or something?
YSC: No. It's not ready yet. (points to the berry one again)
Me: Okay. So the only sample I can take is this berry one? Is that correct?
(I grudgingly take the berry one. At this point, Chuckles is unsuccessfully trying to hide his laughter. YSC removes the empty tray and slides the 2nd (full) tray forward.)
Me: Are those ready now?
YSC: Yes. They are ready.
Me: Okay. So can I try the almond chocolate one now?
YSC: No. You've already had your sample.
(We now have to leave the sample station because Chuckles is laughing so hard that he sounds like he's having a hard time breathing and he may be choking on his own tongue.)